College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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