The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
