If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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