do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize