I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
