Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
