I accidentally had phone sex last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I love you. Go after that dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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