How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
