More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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