Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
