Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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