it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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