It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
