That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
