For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
