In America we eat man semen.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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