For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
