I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
