You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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