tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my shit smells like andre
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
