i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
