ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
