didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
