Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
