hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
