I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
