You're a womanizer and a bitch.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
