I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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