just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
