dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
