they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
