please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
