You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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