It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
