i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
