Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
