wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
