hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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