somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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