would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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