i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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