Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize