i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
