Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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