my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize