DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
