I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
