I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
