The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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