What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
