My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
