It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
