super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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