If i come over, it means nothing
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
