Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
