My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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