How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
