Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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