mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
