Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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