i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
