after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
