Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
