i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
