I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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