Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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