is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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